When people meet me they assume I’m fairly confident and social but deep down I’m freaking the fuck out. Play dates, coffee catch ups … you name it I avoid it.
Do I want to isolate myself .. of course not. There is nothing more I want than human interaction especially since becoming a mother. So why don’t I just go out and see people? The truth is I can’t. My anxiety decides on my social life which at the moment is non existant.
Have I always been this way? Nope. Before having Harper I was out every weekend with friends drinking and socialising. Maybe that was where the problem started…I was only social where there was alcohol present. Now I am a mother and alcohol is not part of the picture I have to actually be myself without my liquid confidence. Motherhood can really make you feel lonely. Some days it is just easier to stay home or just be alone with you and your little human. Don’t get me wrong I take Harper out everyday but it’s just us two. Because I feel safe that way. No one there for me to bore, no one there to witness Harper’s tantrums and no one there for me to disappoint.
This social anxiety since being pregnant has gotten even stronger. Along with fatigue, nausea and a toddler I use them all as excuses not to make plans. People may think I don’t like them or don’t have the time for them because I never commit. But how wrong they are. I’m just literally terrified. My husband started noticing how sad this isolation is making me and encouraged me to get help. Next Monday I am booked in with a counsellor. I’ve decided enough is enough I want to social bubbly Steph back! I want Harper to make more friends and see her mummy isn’t a total loser.
Today Harper was in such a good mood and I finally had some energy and we went and had lunch with one of my best friends and it really is something that I need to do more! Like anything the more you do it the easier it gets to overcome that anxiety! This mama has even booked in a play date!
If you suffer with anxiety or social anxiety dont feel as if there is nothing you can do. Don’t feel ashamed for going and getting help. Grab that anxiety by the balls and decide enough is enough. It’s time for this mama to show her real self.